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phantasm13I am angry at my mother.
For months I have been pushing for my mother to go to the doctor to get her blood sugars tested. That I was pretty sure she wasn't taking her medications properly or if at all.
Except I don't live there anymore so I was just brushed aside.
Well my mother nearly killed herself Thursday. If my Dad hadn't called the ambulance she wouldn't be here. When she was admitted into the ER her blood sugar level was 83.1 How she was not in a coma or dead is beyond any of the medical professionals.
The doctor at the time felt that she had been struggling with high blood sugar levels for months.
Today we discover that she hadn't been taking her metformin pretty much at all OR her blood pressure medication properly. She's now in a room and they don't expect her to be leaving any time soon.
I am angry because no one listened to me.
I am angry because this could have been William finding his Grandmother collapsed on the bathroom floor and unable to walk.
It could have been William finding her dead.
I feel like that she did this on purpose. I feel that the pain of her fibromyalgia got to be too much. And no one feels the same. I am over exaggerating. Seeing something that isn't there.
Then why would she stop taking a medication she has been taking for over 20 years? Why would she stop eating properly? Start drinking juice instead of water?
If not a slow but eventual way to remove herself from this world?
I want my Mom to get the help she needs, but Dad needs to stop pussy footing around because he feels guilty because he didn't push the issue about her going to the doctor (she has cancelled I think 5-6 appointments in the past 5 months).
This was one of the reasons I had to not live here anymore. Watching my mother slowly kill herself was taking it's toll on my mental health and my anxiety.
This is why I have been more prone to letting my now 11 year old stay home all day alone then come to my parents when my Dad is on days or afternoons.
Because what if?
And my brother has been around. It takes all my will power not to punch him every time I see him.
But my sister is right, we did have to tell him.
I am struggling.
The day my mom was admitted James was helping me figure out whether I needed to go to the ER.
I am not suicidal, but I am having suicidal thoughts.
Except I have pushed that all away because I need to be strong for my Dad who is hanging by a thread. Jen is in Lethbridge Alberta and feeling so helpless. So I have to be strong.
I need more glue. The pieces keep falling off.
I've stayed at my parents last night and tonight (early hours of today technically) for the dog. Charlie is lost. Mom leaves maybe for an hour at a time and maybe once in a month. He keeps looking for her. Tonight he has stayed with my Dad, but last night he kept waking me up to take him down stairs, outside, to the living room, back upstairs to my parents room, on to their bed and eventually he'd end up crying at my bed in the spare room. Having Lady here has helped him too. Though she keeps asking to go home.
William knows my Mom is in the hospital. He knows that she is very sick from her diabetes, but not how close to death she nearly came.
I'm just so angry.
So wanting to scream at the world. Struggling to not fall down the well of depression. I keep hanging on to 2 more sleeps till William comes home. My shining beacon, my reason for living.
Sigh.
For months I have been pushing for my mother to go to the doctor to get her blood sugars tested. That I was pretty sure she wasn't taking her medications properly or if at all.
Except I don't live there anymore so I was just brushed aside.
Well my mother nearly killed herself Thursday. If my Dad hadn't called the ambulance she wouldn't be here. When she was admitted into the ER her blood sugar level was 83.1 How she was not in a coma or dead is beyond any of the medical professionals.
The doctor at the time felt that she had been struggling with high blood sugar levels for months.
Today we discover that she hadn't been taking her metformin pretty much at all OR her blood pressure medication properly. She's now in a room and they don't expect her to be leaving any time soon.
I am angry because no one listened to me.
I am angry because this could have been William finding his Grandmother collapsed on the bathroom floor and unable to walk.
It could have been William finding her dead.
I feel like that she did this on purpose. I feel that the pain of her fibromyalgia got to be too much. And no one feels the same. I am over exaggerating. Seeing something that isn't there.
Then why would she stop taking a medication she has been taking for over 20 years? Why would she stop eating properly? Start drinking juice instead of water?
If not a slow but eventual way to remove herself from this world?
I want my Mom to get the help she needs, but Dad needs to stop pussy footing around because he feels guilty because he didn't push the issue about her going to the doctor (she has cancelled I think 5-6 appointments in the past 5 months).
This was one of the reasons I had to not live here anymore. Watching my mother slowly kill herself was taking it's toll on my mental health and my anxiety.
This is why I have been more prone to letting my now 11 year old stay home all day alone then come to my parents when my Dad is on days or afternoons.
Because what if?
And my brother has been around. It takes all my will power not to punch him every time I see him.
But my sister is right, we did have to tell him.
I am struggling.
The day my mom was admitted James was helping me figure out whether I needed to go to the ER.
I am not suicidal, but I am having suicidal thoughts.
Except I have pushed that all away because I need to be strong for my Dad who is hanging by a thread. Jen is in Lethbridge Alberta and feeling so helpless. So I have to be strong.
I need more glue. The pieces keep falling off.
I've stayed at my parents last night and tonight (early hours of today technically) for the dog. Charlie is lost. Mom leaves maybe for an hour at a time and maybe once in a month. He keeps looking for her. Tonight he has stayed with my Dad, but last night he kept waking me up to take him down stairs, outside, to the living room, back upstairs to my parents room, on to their bed and eventually he'd end up crying at my bed in the spare room. Having Lady here has helped him too. Though she keeps asking to go home.
William knows my Mom is in the hospital. He knows that she is very sick from her diabetes, but not how close to death she nearly came.
I'm just so angry.
So wanting to scream at the world. Struggling to not fall down the well of depression. I keep hanging on to 2 more sleeps till William comes home. My shining beacon, my reason for living.
Sigh.
